And there I walked again, past my cozy shell
Inside the world in Rain, turning the haze off
The drops too small, moistening my mane
Not just that, too low did they fall
The earth puffed up, looking so rough
Not just that, too low did they fall
The earth puffed up, looking so rough
Promised me a walk, on that familiar lane.
I walked past the known, right with myself,
Wondering too hard, are reasons insane?
The drop grew heavier, the Earth so full
Almost snatched the veil, that draped the bodice self
I walked past the known, right with myself,
Wondering too hard, are reasons insane?
The drop grew heavier, the Earth so full
Almost snatched the veil, that draped the bodice self
It slapped my face hard, refusing to be lame
The moment proclaimed, a thought inside the skull.
The moment proclaimed, a thought inside the skull.
The matter never reflected, not at least too often
The drops in that hour, proved to be a solace
The life within the water, water within the shrine
Drops bearing clarity, preaching me a chapter.
As I stared too hard, deeper into the space
As I stared too hard, deeper into the space
The drop seemed clear, like the thoughts divine.
The lines that were out, dispersed into colours
Seven wasn't the count, not that they were dull
The questions that remained, indifferent & profane
Not to me of course, but to the fellow strollers
Rarity overpowered and it wasn't a lull.
How did this ever happen? And it wasn't inane.
How did this ever happen? And it wasn't inane.
Theories are words, words are sham
When they sprout without a reason
I knew it wasn't me, it was the holy Other
I knew it wasn't me, it was the holy Other
Anyone but me, and every other glance
Wondering if they mean, anything but treason
If not the person, is it there to bother?
Wondering if they mean, anything but treason
If not the person, is it there to bother?
nice blog...please view my blog too...i have written a few poems....Cheers..ninad
ReplyDeleteYour other blog is not open commenting?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I won't say I know you or your blog since long, but I remember I had commented on your posts, maybe just half a year back. And you've grown tremendously - almost beyond recognition. Most definitely as a writer adept at expressing herself, and very likely, also as a person.
I'd visited your blog a couple of months back, too, and was quite surprised (almost shocked) to find my blog prominently displayed among only three others. I don't know the reasons for that. It could be plain laziness/inertia on your part to add to the list or lack of time. Even then, I felt honored. Thanks! :)
I've been seeing a theme of sorts in your writing - repeated self-assurance or rather reinforcement of the idea that you're self-sufficient as person. That you don't need others to judge you or to be accountable to. That you understand yourself the best. I agree with all of these, and do try to live by these ideas. But somehow I do feel incomplete without the human touch. By human touch I don't mean superficial perfunctory interactions, but rather, genuine value for others. Simply knowing or discovering someone 'nice' exists makes me look forward to life with greater enthusiasm. I have no logical reason why it should be this way, but then it is! Possibly, this joy felt at discovering some niceness in the World is a remnant from my past that had always longed for the World and people in it to be beautiful.
I have tried to suppress that longing. But it just doesn't die. If it die, I wouldn't know what would 'live' would it be 'me' or a mutant never really meant to come into existence.
So, without thinking much I just try to keep on moving with time - observing life and experiencing the small pleasures it throws at me (the ones that really matter).
Anyway, this comment was inspired by the first post of your other blog; haven't read the current post, yet. Might do it some other day. :)
Do excuse my impulsiveness of commenting thus if you find it irrelevant and/or irks you. :) My comment was not an advice or a confession. I just felt I could relate with a part of you.
Take care.
@ Ketan-
ReplyDeleteFirstly, thanks for your comment. I appreciate your constructive 'impulsiveness' to comment. And would like it in the future too. :)
Yes, my other blog isn't open to comments, as of now. I made it when I was in a state when I just wanted to write, without wanting others to comment. Though, in future, it may be an open territory.
I spend every day of my life introspecting 'what' and 'why'. And, I don't always find my answers. Interestingly, every day is a new day with newer circumstances, hence different or no answers at all. It’s worth thinking though. This is a reflective process hence its power to influence and effect is evident. So, the growth you have observed is obvious and I am too, humbly conscious about it. What amazed me was your keenness on observing and commenting about the same. And thank you would be too small a word for that.
I follow other blogs too, but just FOUR are on display. That's something to do with the 'blogger settings'. Your blog is insightful and I read it patiently. :) Your comments are clear, honest and earnest.
The more I am trying to understand myself the more sure I am being. I may be an individual but I am certainly nobody without the human interactions and relations that make and complete me. My posts: feelings I reflect, consciously or otherwise, never belittle value for humans. Some of my posts may evolve out of discontent or anger for people around me and the very fact that these feelings have the power to perplex me shows my concern for those I love and their effect on my life and thinking.
I strive for better relations, positivity and hope.
A proverb: "Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come".
Indeed, the bird comes, sings, plays, chirps and goes away, too. I continue living and behaving, suiting to what the bird does. ;)
Thanks Ketan. Thanks a lot.
Keep Writing.
Hi Insider!
ReplyDeleteI find those people interesting who try to understand 'things'. So, you (as reflected by your blog and comments) are surely one of them. :) I read in one of your posts, you don't like flattery, so I hope I don't have to state specifically that neither do I indulge in it!
And very honestly, just as you stated, the growth shown by you was obvious, so no, it wasn't really keenness of observation that was required to notice it - maybe, a bit of audacity and impulsiveness to deal with such issues upfront. What probably did require a bit of keenness was to see the common theme binding a few of your posts (if you acknowledge its existence, that is!)
Thanks again for how you described my comments. I think that's the highest praise my comments have ever received, truly!
"I strive for better relations, positivity and hope."
I was genuinely curious, what all does striving for better relations in your opinion entail? Does it occasionally also require us to compromise upon a few of our core values? 'Compromise' as in, not by ourselves doing something against our conscience, but seeing a 'relation' do something we ourselves never would, and yet continuing to value them to the same degree simply because it would be 'their' life, after all (the issue of their autonomy)? I ask this because I've dropped a few people in my life to lower levels of importance simply for this reason. And the second reason I ask this is to point out, sometimes, decisions taken by others that are not connected to me serve as good predictors of how they might treat me in the future.
This might sound silly, but I found your singing bird comment mischievous! I liked the certain kind of laid back attitude it represents (laziness also impresses me! ;) ).
Does it imply a certain kind of passivity, in being reactive rather than proactive in deciding the course of your interaction with the singing birds(s)? Would you be apprehensive to be that singing bird fearing selecting a wrong tree? Again, the last question is integrally tied to how I have evolved in last couple of years. :)
Well, this comment has already become quite irrelevant to ALL of your posts! So, if you prefer, you could instead reply through mail on panchalkc@yahoo.co.in
I would be also glad to have your feedback on my blogposts that you could relate to. :)
Thanks and congratulations for writing one of the most perspicuous comments I have read on the Blogosphere!
TC.
Oh, and let me use this opportunity to be a bit more honest. :)
ReplyDeleteYesterday night when I had commented I was somewhat concerned that you had become inert to humanity beyond 'repair'! Now if my usage of 'concern' puzzles you, it is embarrassing to admit, but my online life has got so strongly embedded into my 'real' life, that I sometimes cannot help but take the liberty to feel concern for those who I know not through personal interactions, but rather through the values they come to represent.
And, being a hard core believer of naturalism, materialism and fan of science (basically, being an insipid un-'art'istic, technical person), I find it difficult to discuss ornithology and botany, without actually talking respectively of birds and trees! ;) So please do excuse me, if in our subsequent interactions, I descend to my usual level of intellect and talk of things less figuratively! ;)
TC, again.
Hey Ketan,
ReplyDeleteFlattery is unbearable, appreciation desirable. So indeed, flattery is not appreciated but appreciation, like raisins in pudding, is always cherished. :)
Also…
I strive for better relations, positivity and hope.
In my opinion, striving doesn’t mean a struggle (here) but an effort on my part. When I say that I strive for better relations, I don’t mean that I am compromising with my ‘core values’ or will do so in future. What I mean is I am making an effort to accommodate others’ differing point of views (well reasoned or otherwise) that also come with the person I am in a relationship with. It could be anyone I love.
We need a foundation of ethics for taking decisions and making choices. At a given point and time, we reckon to do the right thing that a circumstance demands. And because we are dealing with people we need to be considerate with them, respect their autonomy without compromising our values. Ethics define people and one shouldn’t leave them. There are also situation in which we choose to be in a way, closest to our values and that’s where the effort comes in. So, I know how to react when a younger sibling expects my support on something as opposed to my parent’s will or when a so-called friend failingly tries to manipulate facts with me.
We experience different situations at all times and hence come up with newer solutions basing them on our ethics. I quite liked the way you brought up the part dealing with values and compromising.
As far as my being ‘lazy or reactive’ is concerned, I think it’s the whole aura of using proverbs and quotes that should be hailed. :P . I use them greatly in almost all countable spheres of my life. :D
As for your ‘concern’, I think it’s perfectly fine to be concerned if you are honest about it. Personally, we don’t get enough opportunities to discuss random things with real people; hence blogs/mails are a competent and effective medium to do that. Also, a written word explains better to me than a spoken word. What I most like about it is that it’s open to interpretation and gives me a better chance to achieve a clearer perspective of things. Also, I can always get back to it. As for your judgment of people through the values they come to represent: I think it’s the best possible way to decide whether or not to be concerned at all.
Thanks again.
Hi insider!
ReplyDeleteThere are at least two issues in your response where I face predicament in how to approach - flattery and sincerity of concern. :) Very few people actually state in earnest that they are flattering and likewise, hardly anyone states the concern they show is false! So, how would you know? ;) It's weird to have to assure of sincerity in one's dealings, especially with strangers where there is no past behavior for them to judge me by, and more so in online interactions. Hence I leave it at that. :)
I forgot to mention, I did feel relieved to know the common theme in your posts I'd pointed out, was outcome largely of impulsive outbursts only. Both the concern and relief were not too great considering we are strangers! :P
Well, when I brought up the ethicality of certain actions of our loved ones, I didn't merely mean a subtle difference in opinion. I meant their doing something grossly wrong in our own opinion, but not affecting us. Say for instance, a friend of yours who's apparently honest with you, but suddenly on a given day, starts flattering and manipulating OTHERS for petty benefits. Would you feel discomfort in still continuing the friendship? Would you somewhat detach yourself from him/her?
I ask this 'cuz many times, those I used to consider very good friends, started deviating (or that I 'discovered' them doing so) from the right path by discomforting degrees. And one of the lines of reasoning offered very frequently by my friends has been - "what's your problem? Let him do what he wants. It's his life, after all".
One of the problems I already pointed out with overlooking 'bad' behavior is that it could be turned towards me someday. But the greater personal issue is that I'd like to value people in accordance with how 'good' they are. If someone deviates grossly from 'my' moral code, there's an automatic repulsion I feel. An urge to disown them. So, I was asking what do you feel about this urge to disown? Do you feel it? Do you approve of it? Do you act on it?
If you're wondering how come am I asking you all this, then I think it just happened! In the sense, you made a statement, and I kept dissecting it. :) Not that I'm in need of counseling. ;)
I've become more stringent in judging people over time. I've stopped forcing myself to try to like people. And I guess, the growth you experienced could have been caused by such issues....
...And well, our interaction here had prompted me to do this blog post (click).
ReplyDeleteOne of the problems with discussing 'things' with real people is I don't find many people worthy enough of doing it with! It's not so much about lack of anonymity, but greatly about how very few people care to pause to think and feel. Not many can add to what I already know or have been able to understand.
Thanks for the reply! Do let me know when you get bugged of these exchanges. ;)
TC.